Tuesday, October 25, 2005

from deep in the afternoon

Feeling underwater.

I cannot believe my life this week. So surreal.

I'm floating and disconnected and panicked all at once.

Teaching went well today, but I have no idea how. I didn't know what I would say until about a half-hour before, and even as the class was going along, I had no idea how it would play out. It turned out perfectly. The timing was divine. Asked my last question with 5 minutes to go. Made my last point with a minute to spare.

Isn't that weird?

But in the meantime managed to piss off one student enough for her to contact the Chair of our Department and ask for intervention.

Hella week. I tell you!

Public meeting tonight. Then more grading.

Poetry meeting tomorrow night. Then more grading.

I thought I would have a guest lecturer Thursday, but he just cancelled, so now I have to plan for Thursday's class, too. Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

And all I want to do is go to Juarez!

But I haven't TOUCHED my thesis in weeks, and I'm having a major meeting with committee member next week, so, not looking good for bubbles.

Pop pop pop.

Rainy check? Splashed hopes? Bleeding fantasies?

I want to scream and sink into the growing hole in my chest. Can't decide which would be more satisfying.

I just need TIME. Where can you buy extra?

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