Last Friday, I received a check to pay me for 8 years of work that I did but was paid less than a man working at the same level. The check was for a considerable sum. When the receptionist told me the amount, I was floored - thankful but then murderously angry. How dare they underpay me for so long and only pay up when forced by a class action lawsuit (with really good lawyers)?
And then I went back to work, back to overtime, back to caring more than anyone else and pushing others to work and care more, too.
Ten minutes ago, I was listening to the We Can Do Hard Things podcast with Tricia Hersey about how rest can libertate us from the grind culture by giving us space to imagine a different world and as an act of defiance against the systems - capitalism, white supremacy, and misogyny - that would turn us into cogs or robots or underpaid workers by separating our minds from our bodies. Rest does the opposite. Rest is when the body heals, learns, and generates new ideas. When thoughts get coded into cells.
Tricia asks in the podcast - are you perpetuating grind culture? Are you pushing others? Demanding and setting inhumane expectations? Trying to live up to an ideal of perfection that you didn't dream?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
This all compounded with the expectations of a kiddo birthday and Christmas and creating holiday wonder and cheer and memories. Now with cash to spend for presents.
And all I want to do is work. Use my brain in a subject I know. And then eat. Watch a movie.
What does rest look like for me? A run on the weekend. Yoga - in person! - for the first time in YEARS last Sunday. Poetry with friends. (Although even that is turned into a to-do to prepare for reading at Sunday Chatter in the New Year).
How do I do this? What do I do? My Christmas cookie list is 12 recipes, entered into a spreadsheet so I can sum the eggs. (Really?!? Really. Shakes head at self.)
I think I need a new tapping meditation.
Forehead: I am complete and a full human being, worthy just as I am.
Right cheek: I deserve rest; I look forward to my dreams.
Left cheek: What I bring is enough; it does not have to be all I am or all I can do.
Chin: When my body meets my mind, I am liberated; I am myself; I am whole.
Chest: Honoring others' boundaries supports the world I want to live in; some things can wait or not happen at all.
