Today, everything feels like too much. Too many things to do. Too hard. Too much energy needed to overcome the inertia of despondent now.
Tomorrow, there will be music and singing and cooking and cleaning and laughing and friends and games. All will be well. All manner of things will be well.
Today, there are meetings to get through. Plates to spin. Tasks to knock out. Discussions to contribute to (show up! be present! bring value!).
I've had an Insight mediation app on my phone for a few months now. Most mornings I listen to affirmations as I make my way toward my desk. Most mornings, I feel grounded afterward. Rooted in my body, confident and at ease in myself.
Today, the woman's voice was talking to someone else, and I was just eavesdropping. Nothing she said was for me.
- "I am enough?" Not even close.
- "I trust the process of life?" Not today, I don't.
- "I am grateful for every experience that shaped who I am?" For all the good it's done.
- "I am grateful for all my blessings?" What are they, again?
Work has been full and stressful lately. Lots of brain power, emotional intelligence, organizational skills, task switching, energy expended. I'm depleted.
I skipped out on a church meeting to watch Dark Skies with the fam. I've done puzzles. So. Many. Puzzles. I've escaped into Stacey Abrams mysteries. I've done yoga. Tennis. Walks with the dogs.
I'm doing all the right things. Trying for good habits.
Today, it all feels for naught. Darkness is heavy in my chest. My shoulders curl over my quaking heart.
These feelings too will pass. Tomorrow will be a better day.
"Look up" has been on repeat in my head - as I went to sleep - as I woke up several times in the night - this morning. Yes, Joy. Thank you. I can be grateful even for this.
