Gregory Alan Isakov Concert - Santa Fe - June 16, 2023

The whole fam went to see Gregory Alan Isakov at the Bridge in Santa Fe. We saw Martin and Julie Heinrich and our neighbors!

1. San Luis
2. Berth
3. Before the Sun
4. The Fall
5. Southern Star
6. Dark, Dark, Dark
7. Amsterdam
8. Master & a Hound
9. This Empty Northern Hemisphere
10. Chemicals
11. Liars (Ron Scott cover)
12. She Always Takes It Black
13. Virginia May
14. Second Chances
15. Big Black Car
16. The Stable Song
17. Appaloosa Bones
18. Caves

Encore:

Dandelion Wine
All Shades of Blue

My notes (because I don't always know the names of the songs!):

1. San Luis

2. Quit all the looking back

3. 55 miles... shines like the 4th of july... city bus kickin up dust, before the sun comes up, devil sees us now, sleeping in our winter clothes. Going on my own. BEFORE THE SUN.

4. The fall,  the fall, the fall (new). Blood was thick, brothers, sisters... all our eyes on you. On you. We all break a little. THE FALL

5. Oh my drunken southern star... now you are dangerously close. Come out from your hiding out. SOUTHERN STAR

6. ... Blanket inside... all turn red. Howl at the half moon... she's all smoke,  she's all nicotine...won't you sing me something for the dark... DARK DARK DARK

7. AMSTERDAM

8. ...He's shaking it up once for me... snow blowing round your head...  MASTER AND HOUND

9. ... Whiskey mouths...cottonwoods were all worn out. While you were sleeping i was flipping the dials. ... northern hemisphere...THIS NORTHERN HEMISPHERE 

10. Coffee burns, stomach turns... saw her bathing in the creek. Now you're jealous of the water... is it just chemical? ... gravity is gone. CHEMICALS

11. You take the big one, and I'l take his brother. Let's get this ovee with... now we're just liars...LIARS

12. Turn on that golden rain. ... talking to the queen. ... yearning for the past. But i'll never say I love you dear, just to take it back. SHE ALWAYS TAKES IT BLACK

13. Wrote on one of first tours... U Dub. 50 a night. Kelly jo phelps. VIRGINIA MAY

14. All of of my heroes sit up straight... SECOND CHANCES.

15. You were the magazine, i was the plain Jane. BIG BLACK CAR.

16. Played with Lumineers last summer. Big hockey arenas.  Terrifying.  "Play all your hits, man." "We don't have any." Play this at the grocery store near my house sometimes. STABLE SONG.

17. New song. This is a voice I've known. Avenues and bones... like you say all the tome. Lost its mind... nesting birds... tvs on. From every window, evening's fall is hitting ground. ... glad you found me when you did. APPALOOSA BONED

18. ... there's something I forgot..  used to love caves... remember that bright Halloween night.... put out the smoke. Let's put all these words away....CAVES

19. Encore... scrub oak to timber... heart's worn handle of an old pushing broom... I've been thinking you probably should stay. SHADES OF BLUE. 

Gregory Alan Isakov concert - March 9, 2024

Umea and I went to this concert at the Kiva Auditorium, and it was magical. I ugly cried at just how beautiful the music was.

1. Setlist:
2. Before the Sun
3. Southern Star
4. Dark, Dark, Dark
5. San Luis
6. The Fall
7. This Empty Northern Hemisphere
8. Miles to Go
9. Big Black Car
10. Berth
11. Play Video
12. \3 A.M
If I Go, I'm Goin
Amsterdam
Chemicals
Liars
13. (Ron Scott cover)
    Play Video
Watchman
The Stable Song
Second Chances
Silver Bell

Channeling Finnish Happiness

 Newsweek Article - March 19, 2024

[Paraphrased]

1. Get out in nature.

2. Keep a determination mindset. We can do hard things. Resilience makes us stronger. 

sisu="determination, courage, and willpower. It can also be used to define the ability to push through adversity and reach your limits."

3. Trust people at work to do their job "in a way that suits them best." Stay open to flexible work practices.

"Managers are encouraged to think how they can serve their team members to deliver their best. As a result, I and others are less preoccupied with what other people are doing.

Instead, it's a culture where I can focus on how I can do my job to the best of my ability."

4. Respect work/life balance.

Working late is fine, but recognize it comes with a trade-off. Take those vacations and re-knit family bonds!

5. Competition shouldn't be your main motivation.

"One can be ambitious and humble at the same time and feel content in life."

 

Middle Management in America

What a tough day. I manage a Division of about 30 people in 4 teams. One of our younger team members -- a really good and smart person -- let me know he's taken another job. Another of our newer team members let me know he'd like to change teams because he feels the relationship with his manager has suffered irreparable harm. Another senior team member called to share his frustration with another dynamic that's been troubling in the past year and has flared up again. A person from a different department met with me to say that the way we've set up a certain requirement that obligates his team to work with outside groups has led to them being abused and seen as the "hand of injustice" (take that, Adam Smith!). 

I took lunch to one of our team leaders, who was losing her young team member, to check in and make sure she wasn't taking it too hard. She was. We talked about it and around it and scratched our heads, shook our fists, said lots of things that boiled down to "these pesky kids! what do they want these days? all these unreasonable expectations for expertise within months, promotions in a couple years, and absolutely no boredom or discomfort or challenge, all while knowing exactly what they're supposed to be doing and getting thanked and petted all the f#^$&%*ng time."

And then I had coffee with my college mentor, who gave me the tough love and broke the hard news that none of this is new, none of it is solvable, and yeah, middle management is the worst. 

And as I was driving home, another colleague let me know she just gave her 2 week notice, leaving me with one more broken link to a department that I desperately need in order to succeed at my job. 

What a day. 

I tried medicating with songs of loss and angst but had no patience with wallowing. Instead, I pulled up my meditation app and leaped at the title "Letting go of unwanted feelings." Listened to it twice. Tried to release my fear and heaviness to the powers of renewal and healing that we call by many names. After all, much of this is not mine to fix. My little control freak self would love to take it all on, even as it seems insurmountable and intractable. 

What I want for the world is for people to get better at 2 things:

1. Setting boundaries, keeping them, telling others when they cross one, and requesting that someone do better to respect them going forward.
2. Hear feedback, take it in, apologize, repair, and do better going forward. 

As a young person, the world seemed very black and white, and it seemed possible and even necessary in order to be a good person to never hurt anyone, that you could do better and better until you never made any mistakes, or at least none that affected other people. 

Now, I think growth is almost entirely related to learning curves associated with failures big and small. I've heard this called your "growing edge." That resonates with me. 

Brene Brown says, "Clear is kind." And others say nice is often not kind. I say, "Feedback is kind." And taking in feedback is both kind and wise and all-too-rare these days. After all, we are very aware that people are not perfect, but we seemed outraged when anyone bothers us in any way. Why didn't they know better not to do that? And why do we have to tell them? Shouldn't they already know? How could they not know?

My son, 11, and on the autism spectrum, has learned that it is an unreasonable expectation to think that other people know what's in his mind if he doesn't say it out loud. 

My daughter, 14, and one of the most emotional intelligent people I've encountered, is learning that she cannot expect anyone to stand up for her, that she must stand up for herself like she does for her friends without blinking an eye. 

I am hopeful that I am raising people who will be able to manage conflict at work, and at home. 

In the meantime, I am looking around at the ashes from multiple fires today and wondering - what is my role in all of this? How does this get better? What can I do, and if there's nothing, what will I do?

The leverage from the middle feels laughable. 

Jet (poem) by Tony Hoagland

and it is good, a way of letting life
out of the box, uncapping the bottle
to let the effervescence gush
through the narrow, usually constricted neck.

Everything is Going to be All Right (Poem) by Derek Mahon

Derek Mahon, from Selected Poems

How should I not be glad to contemplate
the clouds clearing beyond the dormer window
and a high tide reflected on the ceiling?
There will be dying, there will be dying,
but there is no need to go into that.
The poems flow from the hand unbidden
and the hidden source is the watchful heart.
The sun rises in spite of everything
and the far cities are beautiful and bright.
I lie here in a riot of sunlight
watching the day break and the clouds flying.
Everything is going to be all right.

Day Off

 Presidents' Day weekend. House is clean. Tennis lesson done. Travel planned for this summer's half-marathon in the Grand Tetons. A run, then yoga today. 

So tomorrow can be an honest to goodness day off. Yoga in the morning, pickle ball, drop-in tennis in the evening. And maybe some puzzle. Maybe some shopping. Maybe a church task or two. 

The feeling of well-being is overwhelming. So few shoulds that it's a miracle. I am so grateful. So full of gratitude!

"In the Moment" (poem) by Lynn Ungar

You've probably heard
the central rule of improv:
Say yes... and.
Yes, we are on a desert island...
and I am a shark.
Yes, we are playing in the World Series...
and I will use this hot dog as a bat.
It's an excellent way to talk with those
who have wandered into dementia:
Yes, OK, I'm your mother.
Can I sing you a lullaby?

Improv is the core of jazz.
Bach may have set music's
rules of the road, but he
was one crazy improvisational driver.
Look, I get this isn't
the plot you chose, and everything
has gone off script.
Isn't that just the way of it?
Play the scene you're in.
Shift the plot. Tell me
where we can go together.

What you can control...

 I'm feeling buoyed by the positive changes that I've been able to imagine, set intentions to accomplish, set steps to put in place, and keep choosing and following through again and again.

And if that can happen in some areas of my life, suddenly I assume that's true of all aspects. 

So it is somewhat startling and deeply frustrating the ways that I cannot gain traction in changes that are important and potentially life-improving. 

I am happily going to yoga almost every day, yet I cannot seem to manage to go running once a week. 

I have given up cream and sugar in my morning coffee, but I cannot not eat 3-5 desserts per night. 

I use my meditation app every morning, but I still find myself a stress case in most other circumstances throughout the day. 

I sing to my kiddo every night before bed, but I keep choosing Youtube videos before bed instead of my library books on kindle (tick tock...). 

Probably dwelling more on the wins and less on the disappointments would bring more happiness and more successful change. 

As a human, I'm primed to focus on the negative and the "problems" to be solved. As a spiritual being,  I practice gratitude and celebration. Begin again, begin again... 

"The Next Noel" (poem) by Lynn Ungar

I don’t know what a noel is,
Except that it’s something
That angels say, and the first time
They said it, was to shepherds
Who were out laying in fields.
But the next noel, couldn’t it
Have been to anyone –
The barkeep handing drinks
Or the woman easing off her shoes
As she comes in the door?
Behold! The angel says, as in
Pay attention! Look what is happening!
And then, I bring you tidings
Of great joy. I don’t know
Who got the second noel.
Maybe the wise men. Maybe not.
But if there was a first noel,
They might have just kept coming –
Angels popping up where you least
Expect them, demanding that you take notice,
Insisting, through every battered age,
That you listen to tidings of great joy.

Quote - Larry Levis - "My Story in a Late Style of Fire"

"It is so American, fire. So like us.

Its desolation. And its eventual, brief triumph."

Quote - Gaston Bachelard - The Psychoanalysis of Fire

"Fire is the ultra-living element. It is intimate and it is universal. It lives in our heart. It lives in the sky. It rises from the depths of the substance and offers itself with the warmth of love. Or it can go back down into the substance and hide there, latent and pent-up, like hate and vengeance. Among all phenomena, it is really the only one to which there can be so definitely attributed the opposing values of good and evil. It shines in Paradise. It burns in Hell. It is gentleness and torture. It is cookery and it is apocalypse."

"An Avowal" (poem) by Denise Levertov

As swimmers dare
to lie face to the sky
and water bears them,
as hawks rest upon air
and air sustains them,
so would I learn to attain
freefall, and float
into Creator Spirit’s deep embrace,
knowing no effort earns
that all-surrounding grace.

This poem is from Oblique Prayers, copyright ©1984 by Denise Levertov, and also appears in Levertov’s The Stream and the Sapphire: Selected Poems on Religious Themes.