Monday, June 11, 2018

Feeling out of control

I've lost 15 pounds since Christmas, quit smoking, started going to the gym at least 2 times a week, and look better than I have since I got married. All good things. Great things.

But tonight, like most nights, all I want to do is EAT. Because I'm bored and unhappy and lack something. Something that cheese or chocolate or donuts (my favorite) or something else I can cram in my mouth without thinking or tasting or feeling would help fill.

So what is the answer? Drink more water. Think carefully about the craving and give myself just a bit of that specific thing.  Journal instead. Sleep. Change my life. Yeah yeah yeah. All of that.

But every night?  Always?  And yes, I can see the glimmer of possibility that this has nothing to do with eating and everything to do with addiction. With salving. Glossing over. Anesthetizing. But I'm not ready to change my life. And donuts taste so good.