Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Heading Internal

Time to pull in for some major self-tuning. Journaling the other night, I realized just how much of my life is driven by the powerful fear of rejection. It's amazing to me how intensely I crave the sensation of being "special" -- in whatever way. To be perfectly honest (in a blog? really? yes, really.), I think that's the root of my perfectionism. The whole love-through-performance syndrome. And when I'm not in touch with myself -- really listening and seeing who I am -- I find myself relying on other people's perceptions of me to feed that gigantic furnace that is self-esteem.

It's eerie, though, because as soon as I take the time -- literally spend the time -- to be with myself, I remember that I do like and value who I am. I remember that I don't have to convince anyone, and if they need convincing, I don't need them in my life.

So, here's a picture of me and my biggest source of unconditional love. Ah, that we could feel this adored all the time. It's a horrible self-portrait, but it does speak volumes about the connection between me and the pup.

Here's to all inward journeys.

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