Cancel Culture vs. Accountability + Forgiveness

Watched Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar talk with Katie Couric about their new book: You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey.

Amber said she feels no compunction to teach white people why what they just said is hurtful and ignorant. Lacey, as an HR representative and one of the only people of color in her company and in Omaha, takes responsibility for teaching the history lesson, when she can.

This makes me think even more about the sermon Forgiveness by the Rev. Angela Herrera, which is worth watching (daily!) in its entirety.

The key points are transcribed (poorly) below:

5:05

To forgive is to let the debt go, is to release a claim you have against somebody. It is to say we are no longer bound to each other by what happened and by what remains unresolved. I release it. And in doing so, I release myself.

Sometimes people speak of forgiveness as a gift to the person who is being forgiven, and it certainly can be. It can be an underserved gift, which is to say, something that you could not be entitled to, the other person couldn’t do anything to be entitled to be forgiven.

Of course, If you revel in how undeserving the other person is, you’ve probably undone some of the goodness in that. But if you do it well, you can forgive somebody in such a way that doesn’t involve any sense superiority but leaves you that a burden has just been lifted from you – the burden of being angry. Where forgiving with a sense of condescension or superiority leaves you with a new negative way of thinking, forgiving freely is liberating and it helps us to be at peace and well in ourselves.

That feeling works even if the person never knows they have been forgiven…. It opens up more space in us for gratitude, love, awe, joy. Releasing our claims against the past allows us to become more present to now and to what goodness is still unfolding.

8:36

Hindu teaching – Bhagavad Gita 

“If you want to see the brave, look for those who return love for hatred; if you want to see the heroic, look to those who can forgive.”

 

12:32 – start with curiosity. Compassion questions.

Forgiveness does often begin with cultivating compassion in ourselves. Even Just a tiny bit….

Compassion might begin with a little curiosity. How did this person come to do what they did?

Have they been broken by something larger than themselves?

What does their behavior or their way of being cost them? Are they happy? Are they caught up in larger systems of oppression and violence? Do I have any personal experience with that kind of mindset? … Is it possible that on some terrible level, they are doing the best they can? …

It’s not actually necessary to believe that the person deserves to be forgiven. It’s more important to believe that you deserve to be free of anger, resentment, and the desire for revenge. …

Anne LaMott – 

"Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die."

13:55

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. It does not require speaking to the other party… or being ok with what happened. Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting someone continue to do someone to harm. It’s not weakness. We can forgive and still find it best to end the relationship. Forgiveness does not mean liking or agreeing with bad or even evil behavior. It does not mean becoming friends from someone who would continue to hurt you… We can forgive and we still expect the offender to face reasonable consequences, whatever those might be.

15:00

To forgive is to say outloud or in our hearts: I’m not going to be angry anymore. It’s saying: even though what you’ve done is bad, and it would be perfectly acceptable. It’s too late to have a better past, it’s not too late to be present to what is and to experience liberation

When you forgive another person, you release the power their action has over you, the tension of that debt pulling on you is released, and you can get back to yourself, back to some peace because the chains between you and that other person have been broken or removed.

17:50

The message of our Universalist faith is that Every one of us is forgivable. Everyone is lovable.

It’s like our reading this morning from the poet Mary Oliver– I am so distant from the hope of myself.

…

18:28

Goodness and discernment are big things to fail at. Yet the trees stirring around her remind her that she came into the word to go easy, to be filled with light, and to shine. My hope for each of you, for all of us, is that we’ll experience forgiveness however we need it. May you receive it and give it as often as needed, even an inch at a time. May it be so. Amen.