https://connectedfamilies.org/equipping-kids-calm-self-regulation/
Self-regulation is the ability to monitor and manage your “arousal state” or energy level.
More specifically, it means being aware of your energy level (and basic emotions) that result from either external experiences and/or your internal thoughts. The next step is choosing strategies to adjust your energy level for the most effective response.
Energy self-awareness + healthy coping strategies = SELF-REGULATION
Emotional regulation is when you understand, evaluate and even problem-solve what you are feeling.
Emotional regulation involves the skills to answer these questions:
- What am I feeling?
- What thoughts or beliefs are driving those feelings?
- What is a wise course of action? (i.e., let it go or ideas to solve the problem)
self-awareness → calming strategy → emotional insight“Motion changes emotion.”
Sensory activities do two important things:
- They use up the big muscle fight-or-flight chemistry so that it doesn’t feed an ongoing anxious state.
- They tap into the miracle of our sensory systems to signal an “all-clear.” Life is calm and pleasant, so the danger must be over.
After your child is calm, here’s how it might go as you can discuss the key questions for emotional regulation:
- What am I feeling?
- What thoughts or beliefs are driving those feelings?
- What is a wise course of action? (i.e., let it go or ideas to solve the problem)
- Cognitive: Observing and challenging unhelpful thought patterns.
- Emotional: Noticing and feeling emotions without letting them take over.
- Behavioral: Choosing intentional behaviors instead of reacting impulsively.
What causes the inability to self regulate?
The most common circumstances under which self-regulation fails are:
The most common circumstances under which self-regulation fails are:
- when people are in bad moods,
- when minor indulgences snowball into full blown binges,
- when people are overwhelmed by immediate temptations or impulses, and
- when control itself is impaired (e.g., after alcohol consumption or effort depletion).
What is dysfunctional self-regulation?
- underregulation, which refers to the inability to contain emotional experiences sufficiently to engage in goal-directed behavior, and
- overregulation, which occurs when emotion regulation strategies are used to consistently stop emotion experience from unfolding
Resources:
- Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, researcher John Gottman, Ph.D.
- Emotional Intelligence, psychologist Daniel Goleman
- My Grandmother's Hands, psychologist Resma Menakem
- Somatic practice
