Flying dream

 I've been lucky to have flying dreams on regular rotation. 

Most are joyful - flying solves a problem or feels miraculous and so right.

Last night, flying was a short-cut to my car after cutting class in high school (something I never did, but Umea does all the time, I've discovered). But the wind currents were strong and pushed me out over the ocean, which was right there between New Mexico and Colorado. But I rowed (in the air, more like rowing than flapping wings) successfully over land and down over a Colorado river town, the river bed, actually, where a river rafting group (young, vigorous, blond!) was packing it up. And got a ride. And stressed out about calling my mom to pick me up. Trying to find a map to figure out how far home was from where I'd landed. Too far to bus?

And so, flying was fate - a simple choice leading to a whole lotta adventure.  And although it was stressful, it was also great. What I thought my day was, it wasn't. What I thought the radius of my life was, it wasn't. Life can be travel. And figuring out how to get from here to there, or there to here. And I did. And Colorado was beautiful in my dream. And the ocean was gorgeous. And terrifying. But gorgeous. 

And I love that I dreamed all that. Go brain!

(I suspect the shape of the dream was heavily shaped by reading Demon Copperhead for the past week. Good lord, what a book.)

Prayer - the Rev. Gretchen Haley

Hard to let love in, to do its work on you, healing backward and forward

It’s ok to go slow in your letting go
In letting your arms fall to your sides
In finding your sigh, and then your shout of joy and praise, wonder and awe

The world teaches us to defend and protect
Hide and get by, rush and push through -
It is ok to take your time In trusting there is no hidden agenda
Except the learning to love And to be loved

It is not easy, we know - to let love in
To let love do its work upon your heart
Healing backwards and forwards
Softening cynicism, releasing judgment
Finding forgiveness, and believing not all is lost -
Finding that you have always been worthy of love just as you are
That we all are worthy of love
Just as we are:
Queer and complicated; messy and miraculous
Creatively gendered;
caring, and kind of confused

It’s ok to go slow - just don’t stop
Keep moving towards this light that wants only to love every part of you
This light that is longing to call your scars sacred, and your hope holy

Ready to brave this world in all of its brokenness
Armed only with truth,
and the power of a community held in promise

The vision of a world unafraid to change, to keep changing
To hold, and to be held across every wave and rush of wind.

What to be grateful for

Tennis and that feeling of play. Joy in what my body can do.

Yoga and that feeling of grounding and reaching that glories in the biggest space my spirit can embody.

Parenting and the joy that these whole-ass PEOPLE can bring as they grow into themselves and the world.

Working and the feeling of putting my skills to service of a team and my community. 

Church and the joy of a community of people who believe that searching for meaning, and living into the meaning you find, is a worthwhile endeavor.

Living, which sometimes feels like aging, but at its best, feels like deepening and unfurling the fractal flag of self into the endless sky.

Friends and the continuity of knowing and being known, laughing and living out loud, and playing. Celebrating the endless stream of life events and holidays. 

Family and good conversations every so often. 

(Secret gratitude: meditating, smoking, and drinking coffee, which, dear god, is about the best thing in the whole world.)