A good dream

 Last night, I was in bed by 8 and asleep before 9. That's a good night. 

And as a reward, I had the BEST dream, long and detailed, about a weekend getaway with Matthew McConaughey. It was really him (although very sane), and it was really me (although very cool, calm, and confident) in the dream (and our spouses were conveniently not an issue, and we were in Maine). But otherwise, very realistic. 

A good first chunk of the dream was driving through Maine on his motorcycle in the winter on snow. (Insert here that we just re-watched Pulp Fiction, or rather, showed Pulp Fiction to Umea and her boyfriend, who were both seeing it for the first time – another dream scenario! – which must have put "chopper" on the brain.) There were tunnels with entrances lined with icicles and frozen rivers and mush at roadside tavern parking lots. The pavement was dry, so no worry about wrecking. Just the cool wind on my face, tight abs beneath my palms, and a feeling of freedom and rightness. It went on and on. 

Then we arrived at the getaway site, some sort of camp/compound with lots of people convened for the weekend. We hiked into our spot – he'd reserved a cavern room just for us. He left to go to the bathroom, and I staked out the most level place for the tent. The caves were packed with snow (so maybe the realism got lost here a bit). Eventually, I wandered out to see the goings on in the rest of the compound. I ran into a good friend, lounging about with her husband and another friend. I joined them, and we got caught up a bit, me brimming over with the fun news that I was on a date with Matthew McConaughey. They were delighted for me. We all had a good giggle, and then I asked, very seriously, "What if he's never seen cellulite before???" They downplayed my worry and told me to focus on having fun. Good advice. 

In another room, UU scholars were milling about and talking shop. I met John Forrester, a planning theorist, and was delighted that he was UU (unconfirmed in real life). Matthew came in at some point, and we made eye contact, but neither of us moved to each other, so comfortable were we in our connection (or so I knew in the dream). 

Later, we got down to business, and that was also glorious and realistic. And no cellulite crisis. 

All in all? Really fun. I woke up with a big grin on my face when my alarm went off at 5:45 am to head to yoga. Cellulite be damned. 

Joy is Such a Human Madness: The Duff Between Us (essay) by Ross Gay

Or, like this: in healthy forests, which we might imagine to exist mostly above ground, and be wrong in our imagining, given as the bulk of the tree, the roots, are reaching through the earth below, there exists a constant communication between those roots and mycelium, where often the ill or weak or stressed are supported by the strong and surplused.

By which I mean a tree over there needs nitrogen, and a nearby tree has extra, so the hyphae (so close to hyphen, the handshake of the punctuation world), the fungal ambulances, ferry it over. Constantly. This tree to that. That to this. And that in a tablespoon of rich fungal duff (a delight: the phrase fungal duff, meaning a healthy forest soil, swirling with the living the dead make) are miles and miles of hyphae, handshakes, who get a little sugar for their work. The pronoun who turned the mushrooms into people, yes it did. Evolved the people into mushrooms.

Because in trying to articulate what, perhaps, joy is, it has occurred to me that among other things–the trees and the mushrooms have shown me this–joy is the mostly invisible, the underground union between us, you and me, which is, among other things, the great fact of our life and the lives of everyone and thing we love going away. If we sink a spoon into that fact, into the duff between us, we will find it teeming. It will look like all the books ever written. It will look like all the nerves in a body. We might call it sorrow, but we might call it a union, one that, once we notice it, once we bring it into the light, might become flower and food. Might be joy.

from The Book of Delights

Grown (essay) by Ross Gay

I suspect it is simply a feature of being an adult, what I will call being grown, or a grown person, to have endured some variety of thorough emotional turmoil, to have made your way to the brink, and, if you’re lucky, to have stepped back from it – if not permanently, then for some time, or time to time. Then it is, too, a kind of grownness by which I see three squares of light on my wall, the shadow of a tree trembling in two of them, and hear the train going by and feel no panic or despair, feel no sense of condemnation or doom or horrible alignment, but simply observe the signs – light and song – for what they are – light and song. And, knowing what I have felt before, and might feel again, feel a sense of relief, which is cousin to, or rather, water to, delight.

(July 27, 2019)