I'm attending a conference in Denver. In a session on power dynamics, the presenters made the suggestion to journal about where you are in your career - how you feel about interactions, the ways people hold open doors and lift you up, the ways people keep you out, hold you down. Over time, you can remind yourself what you felt - what others might feel - in similar positions that you are no longer in.
I realize I resent when my bosses ask me questions to prepare for a meeting but then don't circle back to tell me how it went, what next steps are. I am sure I am guilty of that. I resolve to do better.
A co-conspirator in another office asked me why I think my Achilles heel is being hard to approach. I was thinking of more junior staff, but she was thinking about decision-makers. She thought my institutional knowledge of what we've tried and what doesn't work makes me quick to say no. I shared that my frustration in those moments is that I'm usually only asked yes or no questions - will this stupid / crazy / infeasible / hard solution work? As opposed to... here's what we are trying to do / accomplish / solve / influence - what are some ways we could get there? What would make it easier, more feasible, politically tenable, wise? And ... I'm a little guilty of that myself. But I don't think fully. I think I try to hold space for people to be creative, help problem-solve, bring their expertise to bear on the challenge. I spend a LOT of time in every meeting giving context, the big picture, the scope of the challenge, the factors at play. Maybe I need to be more explicit that I do that to provide openings for people to offer a different way to achieve the goal, approach the issue, improve the outcome.
I wonder how open my team is to the ways I want to push things forward / reorganize / take on new efforts. Do I do these enough? Too much? Too fast? Too scattered? Do they know what I'm trying to do, or do they only see random things change that either barely affect them or disproportionately burden them? Do my bosses know what I am doing? If I don't tell them it's either because I think they won't care or that they will care and will try to stop me or interfere in unhelpful ways. Do my staff feel the same about me?
What about what the public sees? Do they know enough about what we are doing? Trying to do? Intentionally not doing? What is right level of transparency that builds trust and support but not backlash?
If trust comes first, and everything is interpreted based on trust levels (and psychologists say that's true), then all the good intention in the world - or even expertise - is not enough, and more time needs to be spent on the front end building relationships so that what we say - what I say - is seen in a good light. That they give me, us, the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, we can come up with the best ideas in the world, and they will be rejected out-of-hand.
Do I spend enough time building relationships?
- We have staff meetings every other week that start with a personal icebreaker - what is bringing you joy? what are you looking forward to? what are you grateful for? (personal or professional) - and ends with kudos, the chance to thank people who have stepped up or rocked it or gone over and above.
- We have monthly potluck birthday brunches or taco lunches. This is social time and a time to share - food and time and celebration of each other.
- We have monthly brown bag lunches where we watch a lecture and then talk about it.
- I have weekly check-ins with direct reports.
- I check in every other week with my supervisor.
- We have team lunches every year with each team and the "bosses" - me and my supervisor.
